Guardian Angel, Love

What I did on my summer vacation…

I dreamt last night of a couple crossing the street. Me in my vehicle, waiting for them to progress but it was not to be as the woman fell down with the man helping her. I got out and proceeded to pick them up. The man wanted no help from me. He was disoriented. He was wearing military uniform with all the usual array of medals and such with the number 324 prominently showing. “Let me help you, you need help.” I said to him. No was his reply. “My father died of a stroke and I think that is what is happening to you.” I say to him. “Exactly!” is what he said as he stood up proudly. I was shaken momentarily and walked away. It was a very vivid dream with me carrying a red wallet and the song, “Wayward Son” with these lyrics playing all the while…”Carry on my wayward son, For there’ll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest Now don’t you cry no more.”

Waking up this morning I check the numbers and sure enough 324 has meaning. “You stand shoulder to shoulder with benevolent guardian angels, archangels, and ascended mas­ters. Surrounded by such powerful Divine love, you can feel certain of a positive outcome to this situation.” Red as I checked out with this as follows does resonate with me. “The alchemists had a much more narrow interpretation of the color red. For them, red was fire. But in alchemy, fire was more than simply heat. Fire was the force of creativity, the force what allowed radical transformation in the fulminato stage — the stage that directly preceded the accomplishment of the “Great Work. In dreams, red may be similarly interpreted meaning that the dreamer is engaged not only in a time of deep creative passion, but creativity that radically transforms one from the soul up and down and in and out.”

So this past summer it has been the ending of a relationship but with that a greater understanding of who I truly am and what I made out of. We seem to think that this is how it should be when life all of a sudden throws a curve ball and says no such luck girlie!  That happened but now I stand resolute and sure of myself. At this time meditation helps soothe the soul as does knowing that there are people to support me as well as on the other side with healing. Not a day goes by that I do know that my father is around me and shows me with his symbol, the number 3. The peacefulness of the days carries this one down her path. I know there are greater things that await and I look forward to this adventure we call life. This was my gift from the universe and such a great learning experience to take away from it all.

Crystal Clear, Higher Self, Intuition, Medium

Checking In

It’s been crazy peaceful from where I sit. A new way of looking through my eyes, through my consciousness. Trying to go back in time to do the same old things I was going before and it ain’t working..at all! Good for me to think of others activities to occupy my mind. Reading many books that are opening my mind more and more. Picked up “Untethered Soul” the journey beyond yourself by Michael A.Singer a few weeks ago and I have to say that for once really paying attention to this jewel of a book. Working with inner self.

The move from the old house into the new went off without a hitch and everything has gone swimmingly. I have started to do more readings and found my calling in mediumship but will delve into the intuition side or vibe coaching as I call it. I am a medium! I How I love saying that. It sounded strange the first time I told a person what it is I do for a living. Talking to your past loved ones. The intuitive side is your day to day vibrations about you.

So there you have it all in a nice little bundle. After all the past couple of years to fully develop my brain to see what I have been doing all this time but to totally understand it. It’s like someone flipped the switch on and said, “VOILA!”

The readings are joyful but sad at the same time. The person that has passed shows me visions or symbols. Feeling, seeing, hearing, tasting it all in the time I channel this vibrant being that once was, is all learning and fascinating for me. To be invited to see all this is a honor and this I tell to the client. I have had humorous, loud, timid people thus far come through. They show me puzzles, tupperware; (she loved takeout), fishing, and sometimes they way they passed. I acknowledge all this and move on in the reading.

So my mantra, “I want to help heal, I want to heal with healing messages” have come to fruition. We are made of energy and manifest what we think. My mind had focused on this for many, many years and so happy I am where I am. There is much more that has been happening but drinking it in for now.

 

Story Teller

Where did you go?

I think back on my life and on the many experiences that the universe has allowed me to have. Some good, some bad, some terrifying. This was to come up in a phone conversation from one of my close friends yesterday and how PTSD had taken the memories from all and maybe not all but certainly the worse of the worse ones. As we were talking it arose the image of me held captive for two or three days before I was to escape this dark room in a small house. I had been taken and handcuffed to a pipe, left to wonder about what was to happen. A man came into the room and crying to him, I begged him to let me go, that I wouldn’t tell. He turned away but not before he unlocked the cuffs from my wrist. I was to wait until he left and then sneak out the back door which he was going to open for me. Dashing out in the brilliant sunny day I felt alive. That is all the memory of that day has let me replay and for that I am grateful. That happened so long ago.

Life make us who we are. It’s as simple as that. We can either carry that burden on our backs and name it victim but I would rather not call it anything at all or carry it for that matter. Deal with it in the present moment and move on. Make the mistake as I did and ignore the situation and it rears its ugly head in some other form or other.

Knowing that is to live in the now and to savor it, understand it for what it is. All to often we as people use food, alcohol, gambling, etc, as diversions to take that pain we have stuffed down on selves. Our souls crave to escape this mad cycle. Was it the day that life said no more for this one? Having that meltdown in my work many years ago certainly did the big turn around for me and brought me to this path of awakening. To understand my purpose. And the ride my friends has been spectacular from this huge merry go around of soul searching.

They say that the teacher come to those that wait and it is true for me. I have had many opportunities and those that I gladly accept. Many workshops, readings to understand where I am, classes and healing sessions. Am I the same person of 16, 23, 38 or 49? No, not even close. True I have my wicked sense of humor and still love to tell stories designed to make you think but my decision making skills have definitely vibed up. This lady has got her chance her kick at the cat so to speak. I can hardly wait to see what happens today.

Higher Self

You

Yesterday I was having a day like we all do from time to time. Taking time out for myself I decided a meditation was in order. When I got in as I like to say I was to hear very softly, “You are enough.”
From articles I have read was that one can tell the difference when spirit talks to as opposed to ego. Spirit says, “you” and ego says, “I”
This being said I believe and have faith to my inner voice and I was curious to what this meant, “You are enough”
“At the core, we are all equal. Nobody is more worthy than somebody else. This is the truth.”
Today is another day and my mind a tad more open to the fact that, yes I am worthy of what the universe may hand me and to go on undefeated. There is truly an understanding in these three words and how they made an impact. The fact that spirit got my attention which I thought was groovey cool peachy keen.
Adios amigos and amigas and until another day, take care of you.
Loved Ones, Medium

Do you read me?

 

Last week I was to do a reading for a lady whose one that had passed away come through for her. The hour long session surely showed me that there is a healing aspect to all this. Tearful but happy to have answers she hugged me deeply before she left. I have always been wanting, searching and now have found my purpose. If there is anything I can do to be of help then surely this is it.

Author

It Is What It Is & I Am Who I Am

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My early childhood was lived in fearful states of anxiety. When is dad or mom coming home? Why are they leaving? The child sits and waits. Tell me now and I understand that dad is in the army many miles away. Mom has taken a job in the city, housecleaning. It is better for me to be with my loving grandparents. That security is soon taken out from under me. My grandmother Julia dies two days after my third birthday of heart problems. My grandfather overtaken by immense grief and no where near to taking care of a small child, let alone a girl. It was at this time that I was sexually abused by someone near to the family. I was five or perhaps 4. This state of mind terrifies me and more so to be threatened with more abuse if I tell. There is no control in my mind to understand this too. To be in the now and to work it out and move on. How does one move on after being subjected to this…at 5.

At 5 we get to play, to run free, to dream, to wish. This was taken from me. Fear replaced all this. At times my stasis would be of comfort when I was in the responsible hands of my dear aunties. They always had my back, in my mind. As I grew and was old enough for grade school it was decided that I would come to the city to live with my mom. Things changed for me. Now I was in the hands of babysitters as my mother went about her day to make a living. The caretakers were young, some old, girls, boys, women, it was always different people. They came in forms of kindness, playfulness, indifferent attitude. One in particular was a 12 year old girl who took a knife to me and backed me up in a corner. The threat had come back. Another was the night my mother stepped out to have a drink with the girls and left me in the hands of a boy. A boy who decide that I should go to bed. A boy who decided to sexually play with me.

Those times do not affect my now. But they did build up my resiliency. My will to live above all this pain. As I have stated before in this story of mine that as children we have the people in charge of our little souls to make sure we are safe and secure. When left to our devices, where do we turn? How does one deal with it? Where do we run when no one believes in us? When we are called liar again and again. We turn inward and then that manifests into something greater then we can deal with. My teenage years I rebelled and ran away. This is number one of the manifestations. She runs. I drank and pushed those memories down. When I got older and was in a relationship that did not suit me, I broke it off as I felt in control. But essentially, was not.

May I say that this has a happy ending. True my life is no where near that end but even I do not know this. My time could come tomorrow, mayhaps this afternoon but I hope not. My life purpose is now true to me and I look forward with zeal and adventure in my heart. There is so much out there for me after all this little girl healing into a grown woman. A woman who knows that she is finally secure, loved, who stands on her own two feet, resilient (love that word) courageous,strong willed and has faith. Life has made me who I am and so proud of it!

Love

I Got To Be Me!

I had a nervous breakdown in February 6, 2006. This was my last day of work in a fast paced job as a bank teller. There were aspects of it that I loved but the hurry hurry got to me. Add to this my panic attacks and I was heading down the road to being a car wreck that we can’t help but look at. My relationship with my then husband also was stacked on that pile and this too was to change.

May I say that staying at home was like heaven as I stayed in my room, my safe place for long periods of time. Everything had come to a standstill, no talking to friends, no going out for fear of having a full out panic attack happen, no loud noises as that brought on anxiety and that meant no big crowds. The memory loss was part of the deal, something that I did not ask for and did not know about until my doctor and husband pointed it out. People would come up to me and I wouldn’t have a clue as to who they were like we were meeting for the first time. I know now that it would appear that I was being stand offish but that couldn’t be further from the truth. This still happens to me even now but I have my tactics to get by and usually call everyone my friend, dear or sweetie.

Back then in the early period of that time was a living hell. I knew that deep down there was more to me than the lamp that sat next to me on the night stand or the man that came home from work to my home and fought with me. My gift still was there inside of me and if anything that it came out more as I was paying attention. I was in the now state. I was starting to see things outside of me which disturbed and left me unsettled without any guidance from anyone. The typhoon that ripped apart the Philippines later in the year had come to me in a dream the week before it happened. I could see many people in the water and they were very frightened beyond belief with arms reaching out, screaming, yelling for help. I awoke from that nightmare and cried to my husband, “What am I to do with this? I have no idea what I am suppose to do with this.”  Newspapers had there headlines boldly written out about the devastation overseas and the one image I seen as I read the articles was the one that I had seen in my dream.

My life has changed exponentially as I have embraced my new life without the husband, now ex but have a new man in my life.  My gifts have been developed and finely tuned with guidance of teachers and the panic attacks might come around but I have that under control with meditation, eating and sleeping well. And the memory bank might let out something once in a while and I treasure it and I say, I know that! I was there. I remember!!” It’s pretty cool when that happens and I feel like part of the crowd instead of the one saying, “I don’t know, I don’t know what you’re talking about” and feeling left out. Or having a person I haven’t seen in a long while say loudly, “You remember, try!! You remember, you were there!” and clearly I don’t and I don’t try to pretend just to get by.  New life, new girl, new outlook and I love it all!