Guardian Angel, Thankful

Abraham

My first introduction to Abraham was on a cold snowy morning as I was taking a walk. Dressed to combat the chill that instantly struck my face I had barely made it to the next block in my neighborhood when I turned my head to the left to check for any vehicles before proceeding across. In the middle of the back alley lanes I seen a body laying there where no one should have been laying. This was a busy street and had a feeling he couldn’t have been there long. Running, the cold winter sucking the air out of my lungs, it was that cold. I seen a plume of air escape from this man laying in between the two alleys and then almost nothing. Standing over him shouting at him, “Are you okay, are you okay?” His eyes open there was no sign of life, almost a glaze as he stared to the sky.

Frantically looking up and down the alley a small older lady walking her dog came upon us and then a man parking his truck behind the apartment building. He came running over as I yelled for help. Asking for a cell phone I told him to phone an ambulance. He asked if this was my friend on the ground. “No, I don’t know him. I live in the neighborhood and happened to see him.” Staring down at the man on the ground who clearly was not dressed for winter wearing tattered clothes, barely there shoes and a weathered face I prayed that help would come for him soon. There was no air coming out of his mouth and the gaze was fixed.

I was given the phone and asked for that ambulance and as we all waited surrounded the man I told the dispatcher our location, who he was, how he came to be there, was I related to him, all those details that have to be taken care of. As I lived down the street from the EMS I knew it would be minutes before they got there and it was so. Those moments were a blur as me, the older lady and the man stood silently by. The man was quickly loaded onto the stretcher and into the ambulance and thus gone. The three of us parted ways but not before thanking each other for being there.

My mind would go back to that morning many times and often I would wonder of the welfare of this man. It was to be another winter morning not long after that I was in my backyard when he came down the alleyway dragging his right foot and limping along. Recognizing him from that cold wintry morning I approached this tall figure and told him I was there when he brought to the hospital. He broke out in a smile and told me that he had suffered a stroke and that he had just been discharged. He had limited mobility in one arm and his foot but was able to move around. He was homeless. He was hungry. Telling him to wait I ran to my kitchen and made him a sandwich and put that and some fruit, water in a bag which I gave him. As he was collecting bottles I also gave him mine from the garage. Off he went with thanks and a smile.

His name was Abraham Waskahat. He had been living on the streets for some time after coming in from Kehewin, AB. I do believe he was native to Frog Lake, AB. I asked him if he could go back and he told he had nothing there. He had nothing anywhere. His brown face weathered and wrinkled he carried a small backpack that appeared empty.

I made a friend. It was as simple as that. And had helped him. That was momentous. Thanking God for that morning  when I really didn’t want to go for a walk but made myself do it.  Seeing him from time to time I would give him my collection of bottles and tell him to wait while I made him a lunch. In a way I made it my responsibility to take care of him in a respectful manner. It was one rainy day as I seen him wearing a small jacket barely covering his upper body pushing a Safeway cart with all his belongings and catch of the day. Man, he looked soaked. Value Village happened to be close by so I purchased a man’s spring coat with a hood. Driving down Whyte ave I found him down a alleyway. This huge smile came over his face when he seen me. Oh the memory of that makes me happy. We traded his soaked ripped jacket for the warm one I had. He told me it was like Christmas. I didn’t have bottles but I did have water for him to drink and gave him a few bottles.

All this was in the space of two years or three. I knew I would be leaving my home of 29 years and would soon sell it the next year. Change happens and it was my time. Between the details of the realtor and packing and finding my new space my mind went to Abraham. What was he doing, was he okay as he had suffered another mini stroke just recently. So concerned for this person’s well being. Again I was gifted my last visit with Abraham as I drove through the inner city and seen him pushing a walker. He looked good and taken care of. Parking my vehicle I got out to visit him. He told me that the band chief of Frog Lake had found him and gave him monies owed to him. With that he was able to rent a house with him and his two sons. He told me that he had suffered his third stroke, hence the walker but that the Lord must have had him stay on this earth to help his two boys. He was arranging for them to receive their treaty cards. Sharing my news with Abraham that I too would be moving at the end of that month of April 2016 and was happy that I got to see him one more time. With a handshake and a smile I told him to take care.

It was this early morning, 5:00 am to be exact when he crossed my mind. It has been two and half years since I have seen my friend and wonder here he is. I hope he is okay where ever he is.

Family, Love, Loved Ones

Son

If you only knew how hard it was for me. If you only knew that this decision was made with hours of hours of thinking. I was 17 years when I became pregnant with you. I loved your father. He was so handsome. My heart broke when he left me. Being a single parent had many challenges and there were many. I didn’t know the first thing about mothering. Nothing. No nurturing. I didn’t know what that was. My parents did all they could to help with financial ends and the baby sitting as I worked. Food was put on our table. Sadly though I suffered from debilitating migraines and panic attacks. There would be days that I could not get out of bed and begged for my suffering to be over. You would be picked up and left to stay at mom and dad’s. It would be for a couple of days till I got over the pain in my head and those days turned into a week. The weeks turned into a month at the most.

It was talked about many times by my mother that they would take you to live with them. I didn’t want to. I didn’t. I had loved you so much. You were just learning to walk and find your character. You were so happy. My heart breaks. They came one morning, my step dad and my mom and took all your stuff, your crib, your clothes, your many toys. It was agreed upon that I would have no contact. That is crazy that is how it came to be. I suppose they were afraid I would change my mind and snatch you away. I knew you were in the best possible place but I thought I would be able to see you. It became nasty.  This situation. The last I heard from them is the day I signed over a government check, a tax return and thus that was that. My baby was gone.

I was lost with out you. Lost. The love that I had was not near me. I was alone and on the streets. Truthfully I do not remember that time so well. I do know that I continued to work at the dry cleaners where I excelled. Party was my major thing to look forward to on the weekends. In spite of all what happened I managed to break free of my carefree ways. I was able to become stable and with monies to purchase my first home. This was the home I would provide for me and my second son and to help him grow. It was also a learning time for me. How to parent. It wasn’t easy but I really tried. My second son was to replace the love I had lost in you.

I know your life is not easy. My heart breaks once again. To have you phone me for money again and again and for me to say I could give you none but only wanted you to know how much I loved you. I need you to know this. I want only the good for you. You don’t need the money. Know that.

gaildd
Those carefree days
Gift, Guardian Angel, Higher Self, Intuition, Medium, Thankful

Dancing Rainbow Woman

He asked, “Why are you here? I looked at you and seen you are healed.” I had been asked this question by a elder, Stuart Brown in 2013 and was with a group that had been invited to see this healer. I joined them because I was curious. My answer popped out of my lips. “I would like my name” I say.  He then prepared a ceremony for me. I gave him his tobacco. I was calm and at peace. After a time he told me my name, “Dancing Rainbow Woman.” He then gave me counsel. What an honor. I felt complete.

To see ceremony opened my eyes to the spiritual realm of our people. I had always considered a healer to be such as this man but I do know that healing comes in different aspects. My way would be through the messages that would come through me to client. Being told that I would be healer caught me off guard and I didn’t equate it with what my mind desired. My mind said you will lay hands on people. To make connections with spirit is what my heart desired and then it was so. I consider my life blessed and thank Creator with so much gratitude and for the people either teachers or students that have come in my life. Not everyone get’s to stay that long in your lifetime. Some stay a short time as in my instance with this elder who gave me so much with empowerment and a sense of self and also guidance. For this, I give heartfelt thanks.floating_feather_by_shadowlight_oak

Family, Guardian Angel, Letters to Heaven, Love, Loved Ones, Story Teller

Grief

It starts as a rip.

It is subtle.  It is to the core. This madness. This, I would do anything to have you back, once again. I would do anything for a do over. Please. Are you listening?

I want, I desire to hear your voice again, your laughter, your wisdom, your touch..your touch. Do you hear me? I cry. I cry again. I miss you like you don’t know. I cry until my eyes hurt. I cry to my inner soul in so much anguish.

And it passes.

I laugh. Did you just make me laugh? I thought of something that you did. You know, that mannerism of grabbing your chin and your tongue pops out and you would grab my chubby hand and make me tug your ear and your tongue would pop back again. Crazy.

Thank you..spirit.

Adventures, Family, Gift, Guardian Angel, Higher Self, Intuition, Loved Ones, Medium, Slightly Burnt

Guide Me

There have been times in my life where I knew not where I was going. One minute I found myself wondering how I came to be here on earth. And I asked myself why? Happy times spent as a family unit and then thrust into isolation without mother and father. Is isolation time spent with aunts and uncles? With grandparents? You know what I talk about when I say the love is different. They care about you but not on that level as you do when you love the smell of your dad and his smiles and silly talk. I knew my family cared about me but I felt so lonely growing up. That small girl who no one explained to, “Hey, we got to take care of business so we can live, you know! But we’ll be back for sure!” This was also the time of my first sexual assault as a very young child with no one to run to.

My first guide in my life besides my father was my maternal grandmother, Julia. I loved her with all my being. Totally. She died 3 days after my third birthday. One minute she was there, the next gone. It ripped me. My grandfather was desolate. He was to go shortly after, a few years but still. It has been said that the ages between 0-3 are the years that a child is nurtured and learns security, love, comfort, confidence and making choices. Thank goodness for grandma. Where would I be without her.

The years pass by me and it’s all learning as this girl doesn’t listen. Too much control going on with parental units in the way of my mother and my stepfather. Maybe I did listen to them when I was young but I grew headstrong and did what I wanted. After all did I not have the freedom to do that when I was with my aunts and uncles and roaming the countryside. I had so much trouble happening in my head and not having direction was to run away time and time again. I left home at 16 as I had a job and lived with my brother for a time. I became pregnant at 17 and left school. My one saving grace, school. I blossomed there. I excelled under the guidance of my psychology teacher, Mr. Bianchini and the art teacher, Mr. Zipp. I understood the mechanics of the mind and gained high marks for that. Mr. Zipp seen a spark in me and I was to become the class model for those years in that big old high school. Mr. Bianchini asked me why I wasn’t returning to his class the last year and I didn’t have the heart to tell him that there and now that I was pregnant. I wasn’t brave enough. Would my life been different then the path I decided to take and follow my choices. I do not know. I had the child but did not attain the mother of year award. My parents stepped in and took him. After a time they adopted him. My heart broke. It broke into a million pieces. It sounds cliche. I was to have no contact with him. None. This is the way they wanted it.

I became homeless. Depressed. I discovered there was another side to life that knowing now would never, ever enter. Ever. I stole to eat. Raiding gardens, going into stores and stuffing a bag with whatever I could get. That time was not a good time but I was not to stay in that space for long. Entering into relationships hoping for security and receiving nothing gave me disappointment. Finding a house to live in with five other young people my age was to present huge parties. Not a stable life. But it was so much fun back then. And then it wasn’t. There were problems and once again I was homeless. I persevered. I moved for a time with my friends and found a job. Good old 7-11.

Time passes and in that air I have two more children and one to give up for adoption as this was the time I was living on the streets, sleeping on friends couches. Aimless. The third child I took courage and wanted more out of life. My father was still alive and came to see us in the hospital. I so loved this memory. My father was to pass on my son’s 3rd birthday year. Abusive relationship were to follow for me. My self esteem in shatters. There had been no time to grieve any thing that had passed. No time to grieve the son that was taken, the daughter I gave up for adoption and then my father. No. Time. To. Grieve. But I did find the courage and strength to overcome that man. That man that yelled and hurled abuse on me. I was to find a letter the other day of him writing from jail. How he was so sorry for hitting me. I have no memory of that. Absolutely no memory. He was very graphic and gave so many details but nothing sparked in my memory banks. Now is that a saving grace. I say yes to that. I had to find this guidance on my own and crawl out of that hole.

Life does indeed go on and sometimes at a snail’s pace and sometimes in light streaming down the road. I have had trauma, but also joy mixed in with mine. It has not all been bad. There was the joy of having my children. The happiness of my heart seeing my 3rd child grow. It has all been an experience and for this life class I have been in to be used for people that are going through the same thing. It amazes me with the gift that I had had and how it came in handy for me through the younger days. It got me through so many good times too. I just didn’t know what it was.

I sit here in the morning sun and thank god for all that have some into my life to make in into what it is today. All those experiences that have made me a strong, confident, empowered woman. The guides now are spiritual and some earth based as in my friends or my tribe as I like to call them. They are all my touch stone. They ground me. I know that I am in safe hands. I know there is more for me out there and I can hardly wait!!

Adventures, Higher Self, Home Sweet Home, Loved Ones, Medium, Musing Daily, Psychic

Thus Far

Whoa, I tell myself. You’ve done quite a bit and need to re-group. You sold your home that you lived in for 30 years, found the place of your dreams and am nicely ensconced. Moved in, bought new furniture, a better vehicle and in all this your psychic development grew. Then when you thought everything was going well, a relationship ended but for the better. We go onto be better than we were, we both agreed. Then the people started to contact you slowly and you were booked for events.

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The place is quiet. It is like a dream I tell myself. I have never had this much peace in my life. There are days when the phone doesn’t ring from clients and some days when I am booking and it’s busy. I love it. Had I known that being part of giving readings to people would definitely give me total purpose I would have sought it years ago. There are some that have past who have so much vibrancy when they come in and then other’s that hang back. Every reading is different. Laughter comes in unexpected at times. It catches me when I “see” something and have to convey my vision to the client as they tearfully say, “Yes, yes, he was such a card!” The reading could start with someone “coming in” and showing me how they passed away or what they loved to do creatively when they were alive.

Ask me two years ago if this is where I would have been. “No way!” would have been my reply. No way that I would have moved, let alone move to another suburb. But I see this is all meant to be, everything! With so much gratitude I thankfully take on this blissful peace, the mornings with the sun streaming in, the people that come my way for healing messages. I Thank God.

#Gratitude #SoMuchFreakenJoy #PeaceEqualsHappiness

Gift, Guardian Angel, Heaven

Gift from Spirit

Love my dreams that come through. They are usually a black and white highlight of days events that had past or vibrant and lucid themes that drift in and out of me as I walk, fly, run, swim, whatever activity is needed in each scene. Mornings bring a smile to this gal’s face and the gift to remember. Such was last night or early morning with a busy walk through a army barracks and then holding unto a necklace with the word DREAM with four jewels attached to it. Messages like these I love. Messages from spirit that I embrace.

It was at Christmas time a few months ago that a colorful dream came through me with gorgeous hues of rainbows dotting the sky and the huge letters of BELIEVE tossed in with the fluffy clouds. I awoke knowing full well that I did in fact believe in myself that I had the knowingness to do what I had to do with my mediumship readings. With that belief I have come leaps and bounds. This dream of this morning is just the icing on the top to manifest my hearts desire for sure. To be able to read for more clients with healing messages, to take my photography to a different level. Stayed tuned for that one. To have a new love. I am not asking for much but something that I truly deserve. Looking forward to the future. Enjoy your day my friends!

Story Teller

Where did you go?

I think back on my life and on the many experiences that the universe has allowed me to have. Some good, some bad, some terrifying. This was to come up in a phone conversation from one of my close friends yesterday and how PTSD had taken the memories from all and maybe not all but certainly the worse of the worse ones. As we were talking it arose the image of me held captive for two or three days before I was to escape this dark room in a small house. I had been taken and handcuffed to a pipe, left to wonder about what was to happen. A man came into the room and crying to him, I begged him to let me go, that I wouldn’t tell. He turned away but not before he unlocked the cuffs from my wrist. I was to wait until he left and then sneak out the back door which he was going to open for me. Dashing out in the brilliant sunny day I felt alive. That is all the memory of that day has let me replay and for that I am grateful. That happened so long ago.

Life make us who we are. It’s as simple as that. We can either carry that burden on our backs and name it victim but I would rather not call it anything at all or carry it for that matter. Deal with it in the present moment and move on. Make the mistake as I did and ignore the situation and it rears its ugly head in some other form or other.

Knowing that is to live in the now and to savor it, understand it for what it is. All to often we as people use food, alcohol, gambling, etc, as diversions to take that pain we have stuffed down on selves. Our souls crave to escape this mad cycle. Was it the day that life said no more for this one? Having that meltdown in my work many years ago certainly did the big turn around for me and brought me to this path of awakening. To understand my purpose. And the ride my friends has been spectacular from this huge merry go around of soul searching.

They say that the teacher come to those that wait and it is true for me. I have had many opportunities and those that I gladly accept. Many workshops, readings to understand where I am, classes and healing sessions. Am I the same person of 16, 23, 38 or 49? No, not even close. True I have my wicked sense of humor and still love to tell stories designed to make you think but my decision making skills have definitely vibed up. This lady has got her chance her kick at the cat so to speak. I can hardly wait to see what happens today.

Adventures, Crystal Clear, Intuition

Non sum qualis eram

 

Outlook is everything is it not dear reader? Have you ever felt that shift when your experiences seem to jive as if you are on course. You have found your purpose, never mind trying to find it in the first place as I did.

High school was a breeze for me. Being an honor student, a far cry from the girl who had to repeat Grade 7.  But there was one thing that I didn’t have what everyone else had. A plan. Had no clue what I wanted to be. It never entered my mind as a young child to say, “I want to be a nurse or a doctor.” I might have well just said, “I want to be a truck” for all the effort I was giving my education. Taking subjects meant for the type of work well suited. I didn’t get that. Coasting was my best subject.

Back then I just wanted to get by, which I did but desired so much more. Purpose 101 was very big back then for me in daily life and what was the big picture for me career wise? What was I suppose to be doing? Being on my own partying was to factor in and so was travelling aimlessly through our provinces. Had to have an edge to keep myself safe. And yes I was a catholic girl but such a bad ass too.

I am but a far cry from the person that I am now. Much more grounded, having more faith and less doubt of what is, happy and so at peace.  It feels like new skin, new experiences like I went back to school to re-learn everything about life. The purpose of healing be it from energy healing to healing messages through psychic or mediumship readings or simply coaching people. I get the feeling of it, what I do now. It comes easy whereas I was thinking way to hard about what intuition was all about or suppose to be about. I had my own ideas about it for sure. The third eye was kind of hard to understand. I actually thought an eye was going to pop out anytime. That made my aunt laugh about that one. Makes me laugh now, at my naivety.

Life for me now is interspersed with meditation, coaching sessions from mentors, prayers and daily living. This skin feels vibrant, excited for new adventures, the unknown. Let it be known that we are students in this vast universe and when not students, teachers as well.  Dear reader, you can never go back and repeat after me, “I am not what I once was.”