Story Teller

Where did you go?

I think back on my life and on the many experiences that the universe has allowed me to have. Some good, some bad, some terrifying. This was to come up in a phone conversation from one of my close friends yesterday and how PTSD had taken the memories from all and maybe not all but certainly the worse of the worse ones. As we were talking it arose the image of me held captive for two or three days before I was to escape this dark room in a small house. I had been taken and handcuffed to a pipe, left to wonder about what was to happen. A man came into the room and crying to him, I begged him to let me go, that I wouldn’t tell. He turned away but not before he unlocked the cuffs from my wrist. I was to wait until he left and then sneak out the back door which he was going to open for me. Dashing out in the brilliant sunny day I felt alive. That is all the memory of that day has let me replay and for that I am grateful. That happened so long ago.

Life make us who we are. It’s as simple as that. We can either carry that burden on our backs and name it victim but I would rather not call it anything at all or carry it for that matter. Deal with it in the present moment and move on. Make the mistake as I did and ignore the situation and it rears its ugly head in some other form or other.

Knowing that is to live in the now and to savor it, understand it for what it is. All to often we as people use food, alcohol, gambling, etc, as diversions to take that pain we have stuffed down on selves. Our souls crave to escape this mad cycle. Was it the day that life said no more for this one? Having that meltdown in my work many years ago certainly did the big turn around for me and brought me to this path of awakening. To understand my purpose. And the ride my friends has been spectacular from this huge merry go around of soul searching.

They say that the teacher come to those that wait and it is true for me. I have had many opportunities and those that I gladly accept. Many workshops, readings to understand where I am, classes and healing sessions. Am I the same person of 16, 23, 38 or 49? No, not even close. True I have my wicked sense of humor and still love to tell stories designed to make you think but my decision making skills have definitely vibed up. This lady has got her chance her kick at the cat so to speak. I can hardly wait to see what happens today.

Adventures, Crystal Clear, Intuition

Non sum qualis eram

 

Outlook is everything is it not dear reader? Have you ever felt that shift when your experiences seem to jive as if you are on course. You have found your purpose, never mind trying to find it in the first place as I did.

High school was a breeze for me. Being an honor student, a far cry from the girl who had to repeat Grade 7.  But there was one thing that I didn’t have what everyone else had. A plan. Had no clue what I wanted to be. It never entered my mind as a young child to say, “I want to be a nurse or a doctor.” I might have well just said, “I want to be a truck” for all the effort I was giving my education. Taking subjects meant for the type of work well suited. I didn’t get that. Coasting was my best subject.

Back then I just wanted to get by, which I did but desired so much more. Purpose 101 was very big back then for me in daily life and what was the big picture for me career wise? What was I suppose to be doing? Being on my own partying was to factor in and so was travelling aimlessly through our provinces. Had to have an edge to keep myself safe. And yes I was a catholic girl but such a bad ass too.

I am but a far cry from the person that I am now. Much more grounded, having more faith and less doubt of what is, happy and so at peace.  It feels like new skin, new experiences like I went back to school to re-learn everything about life. The purpose of healing be it from energy healing to healing messages through psychic or mediumship readings or simply coaching people. I get the feeling of it, what I do now. It comes easy whereas I was thinking way to hard about what intuition was all about or suppose to be about. I had my own ideas about it for sure. The third eye was kind of hard to understand. I actually thought an eye was going to pop out anytime. That made my aunt laugh about that one. Makes me laugh now, at my naivety.

Life for me now is interspersed with meditation, coaching sessions from mentors, prayers and daily living. This skin feels vibrant, excited for new adventures, the unknown. Let it be known that we are students in this vast universe and when not students, teachers as well.  Dear reader, you can never go back and repeat after me, “I am not what I once was.”

Adventures, Home Sweet Home

33 Days

One room is empty as I start the process of packing and leaving this old gal, this old home built in 1955. The number of boxes, too many to count line the dining room wall. I have given away a lot of stuff to the second hand stores and know that there will more trips there. I feel lighter.

It was bought in 1986 to house my child and my boyfriend at the time, Colin. He was the push to find somewhere to live and settle down. The premise was to eventually marry but this was not to be. There were many problems and his drug addiction was one of them. The emotional abuse was to follow and I was his to do with whatever when he came home after days away. I was to stand up to him one day when I had had it and told him to give it to me with all that he had. He laughed and walked away. In that defining moment I was to find my strength. Thank you Colin for showing me that I could do this on my own.

And yes I made the payment of the mortgage on my own. To find a job as a bank teller and to learn more about investment side of life. Also to rent out the basement suite to bring in more monies.

The tenants that have lived in the basement suite and to move on and purchase there own homes were many. There were some memorable characters such as the woman who brought a dog in the suite. I have always stated a no smoking, no pets rule you see.There were many stable people that lived with me, hard working people and people that needed a helping hand. My last three tenants were finally the initiative to find a better way of life. The first, last summer was to party at all hours of the night. The second was to bring a cat in and smoke incessantly. The third loved his loud music and told me that he was deaf and this is why it was loud.

They all three did this gal a favor. It was time to let go. To let go of the upkeep of this old gal. I see the beauty of her. The rounded corners on the doorways. The big windows. The beautiful doors. the huge yard and garage. My most awesome neighbors. But I am so ready to find out what is out there in another community, in another albeit smaller home. But I started with this in mind. The adventure. This is what it is all about for me. Another month of being in the now to savor my time alone and to always remember what this stability got me.

Author

It Is What It Is & I Am Who I Am

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My early childhood was lived in fearful states of anxiety. When is dad or mom coming home? Why are they leaving? The child sits and waits. Tell me now and I understand that dad is in the army many miles away. Mom has taken a job in the city, housecleaning. It is better for me to be with my loving grandparents. That security is soon taken out from under me. My grandmother Julia dies two days after my third birthday of heart problems. My grandfather overtaken by immense grief and no where near to taking care of a small child, let alone a girl. It was at this time that I was sexually abused by someone near to the family. I was five or perhaps 4. This state of mind terrifies me and more so to be threatened with more abuse if I tell. There is no control in my mind to understand this too. To be in the now and to work it out and move on. How does one move on after being subjected to this…at 5.

At 5 we get to play, to run free, to dream, to wish. This was taken from me. Fear replaced all this. At times my stasis would be of comfort when I was in the responsible hands of my dear aunties. They always had my back, in my mind. As I grew and was old enough for grade school it was decided that I would come to the city to live with my mom. Things changed for me. Now I was in the hands of babysitters as my mother went about her day to make a living. The caretakers were young, some old, girls, boys, women, it was always different people. They came in forms of kindness, playfulness, indifferent attitude. One in particular was a 12 year old girl who took a knife to me and backed me up in a corner. The threat had come back. Another was the night my mother stepped out to have a drink with the girls and left me in the hands of a boy. A boy who decide that I should go to bed. A boy who decided to sexually play with me.

Those times do not affect my now. But they did build up my resiliency. My will to live above all this pain. As I have stated before in this story of mine that as children we have the people in charge of our little souls to make sure we are safe and secure. When left to our devices, where do we turn? How does one deal with it? Where do we run when no one believes in us? When we are called liar again and again. We turn inward and then that manifests into something greater then we can deal with. My teenage years I rebelled and ran away. This is number one of the manifestations. She runs. I drank and pushed those memories down. When I got older and was in a relationship that did not suit me, I broke it off as I felt in control. But essentially, was not.

May I say that this has a happy ending. True my life is no where near that end but even I do not know this. My time could come tomorrow, mayhaps this afternoon but I hope not. My life purpose is now true to me and I look forward with zeal and adventure in my heart. There is so much out there for me after all this little girl healing into a grown woman. A woman who knows that she is finally secure, loved, who stands on her own two feet, resilient (love that word) courageous,strong willed and has faith. Life has made me who I am and so proud of it!

Musing Daily

Grippin’ The Wheel Like Grampa!

Steering Wheel We just got back from our brunch, the other half and I and on our way to the library to pick up something for the sitting around reading magazine afternoon portion of our idyllic day. It has been a unusually hard week for this lady as life lessons have been hitting my poor little brain. I have stood my ground however and with Creator by my side know that faithfully all will work out. But sometimes we need to just sit it out, to be left alone with no thoughts what so ever. And having the other half go through a similar circumstances and readily know what it is I rarely talk about we sat in silence until he started imitating a man gripping that steering wheel for all its worth like he was holding on to his lifeline. He was exaggerating the intensity of turning the mechanism and we both burst out laughing, so loudly.

Laughter helps at this time I got to tell you. Give it to me all day long. And add a side of peace and calm with it too, okay? Well my friends, it’s time I get back to National Geographic Traveler and lose myself into some exotic locale and dream of most happier times and know in my heart that there will be more because into each life a little rain must fall.

Universe

That Old Moon..

It has been the most pleasant day ever and I have been wearing the most shiniest smile ever to go with that feeling. Make your wish I was told, it is a blood red moon. Make the Universe known what it is in your heart that you truly desire. Has this been the cause for the most best day ever, I think? I will take it as such and I thank Creator for this huge abundance in my life, this prosperity of health, of friends and wish for more understanding of this gift of intuition as I have in me. Big old moon as you look down on me and the many millions of people who look up to you now, grant this lady her wish.

Family, Intuition, Love

Spiritual Share

This morning I was thoroughly vexed. Really. So I sat in my car and asked for help and sent a prayer to Creator, the Universe, my Spirit Guide & my Angels. I was pulling all the stops on this one. About an hour later the song, “Everything’s Alright” from Jesus Christ Superstar went running through my mind. “..Try not to get worried, try not to get turned onto problems that upset you..” Message came in and out that fast.I had a giggle and thanked them for listening and know that it will truly work out. I love my life.~

I am clairaudient; clear hearing, clairvoyant; clear seeing, claircognizance; clear knowing, clairsentience; clear feeling and with all this, it has been a truly wonderful ride. Thank Creator every morning for my gifts, for this abundance, this knowledge but have to state that I am in the learning stages. Patience is my ally and to know that with every lesson, every experience there is more to be absorbed in my brain. Thank goodness I have mentors but my strongest supporter would be my Auntie who always tells me, “You have always had this, this gift, it has always been inside you.” Her vision of me as she read for me yesterday was of my being on top of a mountain talking to Creator..praying. I told her that I do that in the morning, during the day, in the evening, praying and that I ask. Got to love that!

Oh and that problem I had worked itself out and very easy I might add.feather (1 of 1)

Crystal Clear

You’re Grounded Missy!

If you have read my blog I do believe I have written about my gifted Aunt. I call her my best friend, my mentor as I go on my path. She tells me, this family historian that we had a ancestor five times back, an Ojibwe, who was gifted. Has it been handed down to me? I would assume so but I definitely feel that everyone has intuition some greater than others. My intent with this then, is to eventually help people, to heal people with messages.

Today I phoned her with a message to pass on to her and we ended up talking about me. Wanting to know what was happening with me internally about my development classes and then gave me counsel about my plans about what I was doing. I have been feeling lack as in being held back and wondering what my next step could be. Seeing that perhaps I needed more guidance and also to honor her I drove to her local store and picked up her favorite brand of tobacco and then went to the seniors center to visit this good lady. Many hours later after much laughter and story telling feeling infinitely better and more focused I came home. She is like a tonic that I could drink every day!

Love

Franklyn

For the past two months this name was running through my mind. I kept hearing the name and wondering what this fellow was up as I hadn’t seen him in a while. My last encounter was at the neighborhood Safeway when he pulled up on his bike. This was the first time I had seen him on a bike since I don’t know when. He was clean, groovey and had the happiest smile on his face. We talked for a bit, I went my way, he went his.
A couple of weeks ago I was talking to his ex-wife @ a Festival, a very good and long time friend. I wondered out loud about him and she told me that he had passed many years ago. It’s funny the things I missed but most of all my mind. I kid you not. Having memory loss has its perks. You forget the bad and every once in a while a great memory passes through and you laugh out loud or just a little and it gets to stay. But I have no recall of him after the last time I seen him.
I was shocked to say the least after hearing this news. I said to her, “I have no words..truly.”
And now that I think on it, it was memories that were coming through of him, his wit, his laugh, his seriousness, his willingness to help. All great attributes of a good friend. I had mentioned to her that I would try to find out where he was buried or maybe his obituary which I did today on the internet. Today I pay tribute to you and remember you my friend. No sorrow my friends, just sharing a memory which in my case is a great thing!

ENGST###, Frank; Franklyn passed away August 27th, 2011 and will be greatly missed by all who knew him. We all hope Franklyn is peaceful in Harley Heaven. He is survived by his sister Kendra and her two sons Dean and Jake and several grandchildren. Good bye Franklyn we all love you!

A few minutes after I wrote this I received a message from my girlfriend, the ex-wife of this fellow. Here it is as follows;

“The weirdest thing just happened. Cleaning cupboard under bathroom sink. Found this bag with various pins I collected over the years and I found this beautiful pin (cameo) that Franklin got me way back when. Always loved it but thought I lost it years ago when we still lived in the house and I had left my jacket on top of the car and never found it. Strange the things that happen!”

I can also add to this that through some of the Mediumship readings I have had the pleasure of receiving a couple months ago that a Viking fellow came through, a proud man riding a Harley which at the time didn’t ring true for me. It does now. That would have been Franklyn. I shared this with her. She said how strange. I said this was meant to be. I love my life!

Intuition, Psychic

Fall Is Around The Corner!

“Soaring”

How does one begin this paragraph with perhaps, what I did on my summer vacation? For the past year I have been the student of a psychic development class. A class that I found quite by accident or was it? I am the great believer that teachers, mentors of life are put in our path, that situations are made to pique our interest and the day I got into my head looking for a spiritualist church which I did. St Brigid’s fit the ticket for this gal. I felt perfectly at home the first Sunday at there service’s with talk of consciousness, there mission, to introduce the philosophy and science of Spirituality. Add to this, the psychic development class and I was so in!

It has been a whirlwind of extraordinary delights to be with like-minded people such as I and have revelled every week with the different exercises to be done. An untethered woman such as I with no structure of great knowledge of how to use my gifts further has truly opened my eyes to a new world. I may become impatient and want it all now but know that it takes time to learn every step to raising one’s vibration, the belief in spirit, grounding, affirmations, the intent of goodness in my heart to help with messages. And so it is with the summer almost over and with me looking forward to the fall classes, it cannot happen soon enough. True I have been doing this on my own this summer without my classmates if you will, reading books to keep up, reading my tarot cards for myself and others but I know truly that it is spirit that comes through for me, that it has always been in me.