Yes I pray. It keeps me spiritually bound.
Whoa, I tell myself. You’ve done quite a bit and need to re-group. You sold your home that you lived in for 30 years, found the place of your dreams and am nicely ensconced. Moved in, bought new furniture, a better vehicle and in all this your psychic development grew. Then when you thought everything was going well, a relationship ended but for the better. We go onto be better than we were, we both agreed. Then the people started to contact you slowly and you were booked for events.
The place is quiet. It is like a dream I tell myself. I have never had this much peace in my life. There are days when the phone doesn’t ring from clients and some days when I am booking and it’s busy. I love it. Had I known that being part of giving readings to people would definitely give me total purpose I would have sought it years ago. There are some that have past who have so much vibrancy when they come in and then other’s that hang back. Every reading is different. Laughter comes in unexpected at times. It catches me when I “see” something and have to convey my vision to the client as they tearfully say, “Yes, yes, he was such a card!” The reading could start with someone “coming in” and showing me how they passed away or what they loved to do creatively when they were alive.
Ask me two years ago if this is where I would have been. “No way!” would have been my reply. No way that I would have moved, let alone move to another suburb. But I see this is all meant to be, everything! With so much gratitude I thankfully take on this blissful peace, the mornings with the sun streaming in, the people that come my way for healing messages. I Thank God.
#Gratitude #SoMuchFreakenJoy #PeaceEqualsHappiness
Love my dreams that come through. They are usually a black and white highlight of days events that had past or vibrant and lucid themes that drift in and out of me as I walk, fly, run, swim, whatever activity is needed in each scene. Mornings bring a smile to this gal’s face and the gift to remember. Such was last night or early morning with a busy walk through a army barracks and then holding unto a necklace with the word DREAM with four jewels attached to it. Messages like these I love. Messages from spirit that I embrace.
It was at Christmas time a few months ago that a colorful dream came through me with gorgeous hues of rainbows dotting the sky and the huge letters of BELIEVE tossed in with the fluffy clouds. I awoke knowing full well that I did in fact believe in myself that I had the knowingness to do what I had to do with my mediumship readings. With that belief I have come leaps and bounds. This dream of this morning is just the icing on the top to manifest my hearts desire for sure. To be able to read for more clients with healing messages, to take my photography to a different level. Stayed tuned for that one. To have a new love. I am not asking for much but something that I truly deserve. Looking forward to the future. Enjoy your day my friends!
I think back on my life and on the many experiences that the universe has allowed me to have. Some good, some bad, some terrifying. This was to come up in a phone conversation from one of my close friends yesterday and how PTSD had taken the memories from all and maybe not all but certainly the worse of the worse ones. As we were talking it arose the image of me held captive for two or three days before I was to escape this dark room in a small house. I had been taken and handcuffed to a pipe, left to wonder about what was to happen. A man came into the room and crying to him, I begged him to let me go, that I wouldn’t tell. He turned away but not before he unlocked the cuffs from my wrist. I was to wait until he left and then sneak out the back door which he was going to open for me. Dashing out in the brilliant sunny day I felt alive. That is all the memory of that day has let me replay and for that I am grateful. That happened so long ago.
Life make us who we are. It’s as simple as that. We can either carry that burden on our backs and name it victim but I would rather not call it anything at all or carry it for that matter. Deal with it in the present moment and move on. Make the mistake as I did and ignore the situation and it rears its ugly head in some other form or other.
Knowing that is to live in the now and to savor it, understand it for what it is. All to often we as people use food, alcohol, gambling, etc, as diversions to take that pain we have stuffed down on selves. Our souls crave to escape this mad cycle. Was it the day that life said no more for this one? Having that meltdown in my work many years ago certainly did the big turn around for me and brought me to this path of awakening. To understand my purpose. And the ride my friends has been spectacular from this huge merry go around of soul searching.
They say that the teacher come to those that wait and it is true for me. I have had many opportunities and those that I gladly accept. Many workshops, readings to understand where I am, classes and healing sessions. Am I the same person of 16, 23, 38 or 49? No, not even close. True I have my wicked sense of humor and still love to tell stories designed to make you think but my decision making skills have definitely vibed up. This lady has got her chance her kick at the cat so to speak. I can hardly wait to see what happens today.
Outlook is everything is it not dear reader? Have you ever felt that shift when your experiences seem to jive as if you are on course. You have found your purpose, never mind trying to find it in the first place as I did.
High school was a breeze for me. Being an honor student, a far cry from the girl who had to repeat Grade 7. But there was one thing that I didn’t have what everyone else had. A plan. Had no clue what I wanted to be. It never entered my mind as a young child to say, “I want to be a nurse or a doctor.” I might have well just said, “I want to be a truck” for all the effort I was giving my education. Taking subjects meant for the type of work well suited. I didn’t get that. Coasting was my best subject.
Back then I just wanted to get by, which I did but desired so much more. Purpose 101 was very big back then for me in daily life and what was the big picture for me career wise? What was I suppose to be doing? Being on my own partying was to factor in and so was travelling aimlessly through our provinces. Had to have an edge to keep myself safe. And yes I was a catholic girl but such a bad ass too.
I am but a far cry from the person that I am now. Much more grounded, having more faith and less doubt of what is, happy and so at peace. It feels like new skin, new experiences like I went back to school to re-learn everything about life. The purpose of healing be it from energy healing to healing messages through psychic or mediumship readings or simply coaching people. I get the feeling of it, what I do now. It comes easy whereas I was thinking way to hard about what intuition was all about or suppose to be about. I had my own ideas about it for sure. The third eye was kind of hard to understand. I actually thought an eye was going to pop out anytime. That made my aunt laugh about that one. Makes me laugh now, at my naivety.
Life for me now is interspersed with meditation, coaching sessions from mentors, prayers and daily living. This skin feels vibrant, excited for new adventures, the unknown. Let it be known that we are students in this vast universe and when not students, teachers as well. Dear reader, you can never go back and repeat after me, “I am not what I once was.”
One room is empty as I start the process of packing and leaving this old gal, this old home built in 1955. The number of boxes, too many to count line the dining room wall. I have given away a lot of stuff to the second hand stores and know that there will more trips there. I feel lighter.
It was bought in 1986 to house my child and my boyfriend at the time, Colin. He was the push to find somewhere to live and settle down. The premise was to eventually marry but this was not to be. There were many problems and his drug addiction was one of them. The emotional abuse was to follow and I was his to do with whatever when he came home after days away. I was to stand up to him one day when I had had it and told him to give it to me with all that he had. He laughed and walked away. In that defining moment I was to find my strength. Thank you Colin for showing me that I could do this on my own.
And yes I made the payment of the mortgage on my own. To find a job as a bank teller and to learn more about investment side of life. Also to rent out the basement suite to bring in more monies.
The tenants that have lived in the basement suite and to move on and purchase there own homes were many. There were some memorable characters such as the woman who brought a dog in the suite. I have always stated a no smoking, no pets rule you see.There were many stable people that lived with me, hard working people and people that needed a helping hand. My last three tenants were finally the initiative to find a better way of life. The first, last summer was to party at all hours of the night. The second was to bring a cat in and smoke incessantly. The third loved his loud music and told me that he was deaf and this is why it was loud.
They all three did this gal a favor. It was time to let go. To let go of the upkeep of this old gal. I see the beauty of her. The rounded corners on the doorways. The big windows. The beautiful doors. the huge yard and garage. My most awesome neighbors. But I am so ready to find out what is out there in another community, in another albeit smaller home. But I started with this in mind. The adventure. This is what it is all about for me. Another month of being in the now to savor my time alone and to always remember what this stability got me.
My early childhood was lived in fearful states of anxiety. When is dad or mom coming home? Why are they leaving? The child sits and waits. Tell me now and I understand that dad is in the army many miles away. Mom has taken a job in the city, housecleaning. It is better for me to be with my loving grandparents. That security is soon taken out from under me. My grandmother Julia dies two days after my third birthday of heart problems. My grandfather overtaken by immense grief and no where near to taking care of a small child, let alone a girl. It was at this time that I was sexually abused by someone near to the family. I was five or perhaps 4. This state of mind terrifies me and more so to be threatened with more abuse if I tell. There is no control in my mind to understand this too. To be in the now and to work it out and move on. How does one move on after being subjected to this…at 5.
At 5 we get to play, to run free, to dream, to wish. This was taken from me. Fear replaced all this. At times my stasis would be of comfort when I was in the responsible hands of my dear aunties. They always had my back, in my mind. As I grew and was old enough for grade school it was decided that I would come to the city to live with my mom. Things changed for me. Now I was in the hands of babysitters as my mother went about her day to make a living. The caretakers were young, some old, girls, boys, women, it was always different people. They came in forms of kindness, playfulness, indifferent attitude. One in particular was a 12 year old girl who took a knife to me and backed me up in a corner. The threat had come back. Another was the night my mother stepped out to have a drink with the girls and left me in the hands of a boy. A boy who decide that I should go to bed. A boy who decided to sexually play with me.
Those times do not affect my now. But they did build up my resiliency. My will to live above all this pain. As I have stated before in this story of mine that as children we have the people in charge of our little souls to make sure we are safe and secure. When left to our devices, where do we turn? How does one deal with it? Where do we run when no one believes in us? When we are called liar again and again. We turn inward and then that manifests into something greater then we can deal with. My teenage years I rebelled and ran away. This is number one of the manifestations. She runs. I drank and pushed those memories down. When I got older and was in a relationship that did not suit me, I broke it off as I felt in control. But essentially, was not.
May I say that this has a happy ending. True my life is no where near that end but even I do not know this. My time could come tomorrow, mayhaps this afternoon but I hope not. My life purpose is now true to me and I look forward with zeal and adventure in my heart. There is so much out there for me after all this little girl healing into a grown woman. A woman who knows that she is finally secure, loved, who stands on her own two feet, resilient (love that word) courageous,strong willed and has faith. Life has made me who I am and so proud of it!