Author, Family, Heaven, Letters to Heaven, Love, Loved Ones, Medium, Psychic

Sorry

It was that word I was not to understand when I had my own mediumship reading given to me by a mentor. She was bringing in my father and the one word that stuck out was, “Sorry” It took me days to get my “AHA” moment as it is when you go to a session. This word was given to me a few years ago. It was today that I had a heart to heart talk or the start of one with Dad. If you know my story, then you know he passed away in 1986. I asked him why he would leave me when I needed him the most. I remember those phone calls begging him to take me to his house hundreds of miles of away. I begged him.

My family life was shaky at the best of times and I am being nice for there sake. What was it that my own blood took her anger out on me. I will never know. But I found my dad’s number and phoned him, crying to him, to help me. It was not to be. The only times I was allowed to see him were a couple of weeks in the summer time as I was needed at home to babysit my step brothers and sister. If he came to town which was rare I would sit in his hotel room with him. One of those moments stands out as he was staying at the Cecil Hotel. He shows me his bullet wounds. The old scars on his body. He shows me his medals he received. He tells me that when he dies that I will receive those medals.

When he did pass away and I made my way up north, I talked to his sister Margaret and told her as I looked down on dad in his casket dressed in his uniform and wearing the medals that they were promised to me. It was to be presented to me when they buried him in the cold ground that wintry day. The priest put them in my hand. I felt utterly alone.

But the years pass and all I knew of what I felt of my father was the deep love for him, his essence. The word sorry came to me that day in that reading when I realized what he was saying that for. I told myself at that time it was not needed. But indeed it was. So to get back to that conversation with dad. The deep realization that he knew now what has transpired but had deep sorrow for that. “Where were you when I needed you. Where? Did you not believe me when I told you my stories? Did you not know I was the truth teller?”

Well dad the time has come to now truly forgive you. To let go. This has all come to pass and for all those experiences my body, mind and spirit took I am the better person for it. I only wish you were here physically by my side. You would be 93 though. And I am glad to have heard that word. It means so much to me now.

Much love and huge hugs and lots of kisses to you Dad!

Adventures, Author, Creative, Family, Gift, Guardian Angel, Heaven, Higher Self

It Just Got Better!

Who knew that my life would amplify? Well it has. Since I have embraced my purpose and put all the love behind it my life has changed exponentially!! I am finally on my path but it did take all those experiences good and bad to get me where I am and to help the people that sit before me in sessions. There are many stories to tell and they truly stand out. Five o’clock wake up time by Spirit as she tells me, “I was invited!” This was the day of a psychic party and as I entered the hostesses kitchen with people sitting around the table remarked about this 5 o’clock wake up call. I carefully described the lady in question to all and then I had a person laugh out loud and say to all, “That’s my Mom!”

Spirit comes in tippy toes or as loud as they were when they were alive. They show me vignettes of their lives, here and there, past and present. Strong attributes come through or memories made to mention. The healing messages do follow, some small and some long as I dictate or scribble down so fast. They also have there own messages to deliver as I have had people present there questions and they come up with something entirely different or they just answer. I never know what it is that I will channel through a session.

So let’s go back to how afraid I was of what I had when I was younger. I overcame that fear and got to where I am now. The anxiety that came as a side has lessened and I express gratitude to all the people that guided me, the workshops and especially my dear auntie. She has brought my family love to me and made me grow like you don’t know!

Author

It Is What It Is & I Am Who I Am

aaaaaaaaaa

My early childhood was lived in fearful states of anxiety. When is dad or mom coming home? Why are they leaving? The child sits and waits. Tell me now and I understand that dad is in the army many miles away. Mom has taken a job in the city, housecleaning. It is better for me to be with my loving grandparents. That security is soon taken out from under me. My grandmother Julia dies two days after my third birthday of heart problems. My grandfather overtaken by immense grief and no where near to taking care of a small child, let alone a girl. It was at this time that I was sexually abused by someone near to the family. I was five or perhaps 4. This state of mind terrifies me and more so to be threatened with more abuse if I tell. There is no control in my mind to understand this too. To be in the now and to work it out and move on. How does one move on after being subjected to this…at 5.

At 5 we get to play, to run free, to dream, to wish. This was taken from me. Fear replaced all this. At times my stasis would be of comfort when I was in the responsible hands of my dear aunties. They always had my back, in my mind. As I grew and was old enough for grade school it was decided that I would come to the city to live with my mom. Things changed for me. Now I was in the hands of babysitters as my mother went about her day to make a living. The caretakers were young, some old, girls, boys, women, it was always different people. They came in forms of kindness, playfulness, indifferent attitude. One in particular was a 12 year old girl who took a knife to me and backed me up in a corner. The threat had come back. Another was the night my mother stepped out to have a drink with the girls and left me in the hands of a boy. A boy who decide that I should go to bed. A boy who decided to sexually play with me.

Those times do not affect my now. But they did build up my resiliency. My will to live above all this pain. As I have stated before in this story of mine that as children we have the people in charge of our little souls to make sure we are safe and secure. When left to our devices, where do we turn? How does one deal with it? Where do we run when no one believes in us? When we are called liar again and again. We turn inward and then that manifests into something greater then we can deal with. My teenage years I rebelled and ran away. This is number one of the manifestations. She runs. I drank and pushed those memories down. When I got older and was in a relationship that did not suit me, I broke it off as I felt in control. But essentially, was not.

May I say that this has a happy ending. True my life is no where near that end but even I do not know this. My time could come tomorrow, mayhaps this afternoon but I hope not. My life purpose is now true to me and I look forward with zeal and adventure in my heart. There is so much out there for me after all this little girl healing into a grown woman. A woman who knows that she is finally secure, loved, who stands on her own two feet, resilient (love that word) courageous,strong willed and has faith. Life has made me who I am and so proud of it!

Author

Vanity Fair’s New Cover Story: Caitlyn Jenner

This past spring I was at an all woman event and was introduced to “Tiffany.” She reminded me of someone but couldn’t place her face. We made small talk and then the light bulb came on. It was my friend, “Tom.” Tiffany had stated how freeing it was to walk around and to let people know who she was. As a photographer I got some really great shots from her. She was a natural if I may say so. Our conversation came about my awakening as a comparison to her’s. I look forward to seeing my friend in the future and see what kind of outfits she comes up with. Oh and I love our girl talk!!

Longreads

“As soon as the Vanity Fair cover comes out, I’m free.”

Vanity Fair has just released its cover image of Caitlyn Jenner—photographed by Annie Leibovitz, with a story by Buzz Bissinger.

The story is not yet available online, but Jenner tells Bissinger: “If I was lying on my deathbed and I had kept this secret and never ever did anything about it, I would be lying there saying, ‘You just blew your entire life.’ ”

View original post

Author, Musing Daily

Storyteller

I cannot even imagine what my mother went through having a grandiose storytelling child because I was that girl. My storytelling came to be the lament’s that I made to mother and then accusing me of tattling even before a situation even happened. Perhaps I was getting ahead of myself at the time and just knowing how it was all going to play out. At home I was the one that got it faster than the adults and for that I was accused of sneaking around and the question, “How did she know that?”  We had two phones in our home and did always sneakily pick up to listen when there was something going on in the family. Of course I would get caught and Mom always figured that how I was getting my information. Well some of it was because of that. Some of it was just to be nosy.

Always writing long stories and passing them around to my friends just to get a laugh. My dream then was to be a writer. Reading was my passion and I always had a book in my hand albeit not a math or science one but the one’s about travelling all over the world. Book’s about faerie’s, angel’s, troll’s, animal’s, love, people from other countries and friendship. The library was my haven and I would walk the five blocks just to see and read as many as I could. Losing myself in that big world of imagination and wonder. It seemed as I was in a dream state and wanted to be like that all the time. My imagination or rather my intuition got me through my childhood.

In school I can remember sitting at my desk looking out the window and daydreaming and would have done this if they had a class for it. I am sure I would have been a A+ student. Math was always a hard one for me as we had to work out everything on the board and yet I knew the answer and couldn’t find the in between or details to write it on the chalk board. So instead of being encouraged for being right which I knew, the accusation of cheating would come up. I just didn’t know at the time how the answer came to be. It just was! I always felt I had to defend myself from questioning teachers, my mother, friends and later on my world. Like that little fish swimming upstream. It was so tiring.

And now I see that the gift of writing and imagination, reading and storytelling really had great meaning. Think about it. Perseverance is another one of mankind’s greatest strength. You keep at it and it pay’s off. I understand and see it all, my life in a different light. Storytelling has become a big part of my life as well. I am comfortable when I am at the forefront. Not to show off but to drive home a point or to bring humor. No longer do I seek people to shove my views down there throat. That serves no purpose. And my friends I have many, many stories about my past history to tell so that you may relate and possibly learn or laugh. Books