Guardian Angel, Home Sweet Home, Letters to Heaven, Loved Ones, Thankful

Missing You

Your names come out and I say I think of you when I hear this song.

“I’ll Be Missing You” by Puff Daddy

Rob Schiffner, Greg”Granny” Gravelle, Alan Pappin, Christina Collins, Daddy, Joey Love, Norbert Mosa, Helene Lavigne, Murray M, Debbie Susan Badger, Edward Ginther, Gordon “Leroy” Lukenbill, Al C, Murray M, Dora S, Little Kitty, “Evel” Sally Dube, Terry Malec, Donald “Cap” Henderson, Doug Smawley, James “Bowie” Gibson, Colin M, Terry Barkhouse, Jimmy Glabais, Allen McDougall, Corby M, Rick Britton, Ron Stewart, Leona Stowell, David Boyko, Greg Rowland, Kevin McNeil, Doug Champagne, Jumar Corpuz, John Chitze, Al Ginther, Anthony “Tony” Saunders, Rick “Red” George, Wyatt “Jimmy” Herbert, Gary Belter, John “Tramp” Kerr, Terry Cavanagh, Kevin O, Michele Caron, Russell Spencer, Wendy,  Kenny Myers, Archie Wabasca, Emieliene Wabasca, Ralph Wabasca, Will Wabasca, Julia Collins, Daniel Collins, Jackie Collins, Jonathan Badger,  My Baby.

Some died of a life lived well and some didn’t. At the time I didn’t understand why you went away. My heart broke. I was not alone in this. Each one of you left broken hearts. Shattered. I now look back with fondness and so much love that you were in my life for some time. Each one of you had so much purpose for me. Grandparents who raised and loved me and did all they could. Friends who told great stories, made me laugh, fed me and my child, sometimes irked me (I will not lie Russell..hahaha!) some that told me there deepest secrets. There were a few that shared there lives and included me in their own family celebrations, and one that I got a tattoo from. Some that sat with me and gave me great advice and made me laugh and told me that life wasn’t so bad. Some that put there arm around my weary shoulder and told me to keep on keeping on. There were also my two dogs, Brownie & Blackie that I had when I was very small who I have never forgotten and my kitty. Cannot forget them. Never. They gave unconditional love.

Thank you.

Author, Family, Heaven, Letters to Heaven, Love, Loved Ones, Medium, Psychic

Sorry

It was that word I was not to understand when I had my own mediumship reading given to me by a mentor. She was bringing in my father and the one word that stuck out was, “Sorry” It took me days to get my “AHA” moment as it is when you go to a session. This word was given to me a few years ago. It was today that I had a heart to heart talk or the start of one with Dad. If you know my story, then you know he passed away in 1986. I asked him why he would leave me when I needed him the most. I remember those phone calls begging him to take me to his house hundreds of miles of away. I begged him.

My family life was shaky at the best of times and I am being nice for there sake. What was it that my own blood took her anger out on me. I will never know. But I found my dad’s number and phoned him, crying to him, to help me. It was not to be. The only times I was allowed to see him were a couple of weeks in the summer time as I was needed at home to babysit my step brothers and sister. If he came to town which was rare I would sit in his hotel room with him. One of those moments stands out as he was staying at the Cecil Hotel. He shows me his bullet wounds. The old scars on his body. He shows me his medals he received. He tells me that when he dies that I will receive those medals.

When he did pass away and I made my way up north, I talked to his sister Margaret and told her as I looked down on dad in his casket dressed in his uniform and wearing the medals that they were promised to me. It was to be presented to me when they buried him in the cold ground that wintry day. The priest put them in my hand. I felt utterly alone.

But the years pass and all I knew of what I felt of my father was the deep love for him, his essence. The word sorry came to me that day in that reading when I realized what he was saying that for. I told myself at that time it was not needed. But indeed it was. So to get back to that conversation with dad. The deep realization that he knew now what has transpired but had deep sorrow for that. “Where were you when I needed you. Where? Did you not believe me when I told you my stories? Did you not know I was the truth teller?”

Well dad the time has come to now truly forgive you. To let go. This has all come to pass and for all those experiences my body, mind and spirit took I am the better person for it. I only wish you were here physically by my side. You would be 93 though. And I am glad to have heard that word. It means so much to me now.

Much love and huge hugs and lots of kisses to you Dad!

Family, Guardian Angel, Letters to Heaven, Love, Loved Ones, Story Teller

Grief

It starts as a rip.

It is subtle.  It is to the core. This madness. This, I would do anything to have you back, once again. I would do anything for a do over. Please. Are you listening?

I want, I desire to hear your voice again, your laughter, your wisdom, your touch..your touch. Do you hear me? I cry. I cry again. I miss you like you don’t know. I cry until my eyes hurt. I cry to my inner soul in so much anguish.

And it passes.

I laugh. Did you just make me laugh? I thought of something that you did. You know, that mannerism of grabbing your chin and your tongue pops out and you would grab my chubby hand and make me tug your ear and your tongue would pop back again. Crazy.

Thank you..spirit.

Heaven, Letters to Heaven, Love, Loved Ones, Story Teller

Forgive & Move On

I wake from a dream. It is Colin from the past. He is smiling and shows his love to me as he kisses me. Many years have gone by and I know in my heart he has passed on. I receive his visitations of sorrow and also validations of our life and his dreams. Anyone that abuses has themselves been abused in some form or other. He could never look in the mirror and see truth. I would say positive and he would reply negative. Nothing was good enough. He was not enough. Our relationship was loving at first but stress and a child not your own adds pressure. The yelling and threats followed. But I stayed. I was to overcome though when he threatened to take my house that I bought. I stood up to him.

I could never forgive him and I had my story about him that I told to others. On and on that went. Soon though that energy lessened as I met another man I was to marry. Colin stopped visiting my home and my son. I was not to see him again. It was about two years ago when I started receiving those visitations I spoke of before. His grandmother would be saying he was okay and Colin would be in the background on a ocean oilfield, a dream he always wanted to do. I forgive him now as all the experiences I gained from that time. I stood up to him and with that my boundaries grew stronger. I was standing in my power. My part of this was communication and saying no to the b.s.

I now love the dreams that come in of him and I smile this morning. He looked young and so happy as he smiled at me. I thank you for coming and saying hello spirit!

Letters to Heaven

Away

I have been thinking of you all day. It’s that day again Dad. Father’s Day. That bittersweet day where I am happy but sad. You may have passed on but you are still beating strongly within my whole being. At times I can hear your voice or I remember a silly little antic you use to pull on me as a child.

February 23, 1986, my father passed away from a stroke that he had endured the year previous. He had been in a coma like state that year. My father had been a career service man in the Canadian army and so my childhood was spent waiting for him to come back from where ever the army sent him in the world. My mother and father divorced when I was young and she was lucky enough to meet another man who would take on the challenge of being a new father to …me. I rarely seen my father as he then moved up north and my childhood changed and I was in charge of my little brothers and sister. As I grew older the chasm widened. We did stay in contact and truly loved the day my dad walked into the hospital room to see his first grandchild. He even held him. That was in 1983. Then the day I got the news was February 23, 1985 that he had a severe stroke and they did not know if he would make it.

I have to thank this man as he looks down on me from heaven because he made me the woman that I am. That I can stand on my own and stand up for myself. I am proud of his accomplishments in service to his country and I tell his story to people that will listen because truly it is interesting. Happy Fathers Day dear father. I love you and I miss you. Come visit me in my dreams.

Your loving daughter, Gail1466125_596477600389041_1536298587_n

Letters to Heaven

Hello!

Paratroopers
Paratroopers

Hi it’s me Dad, Gail.

I sure miss you and think of you often. It has been many years since you have been gone. Has it been 29 years already? Time surely flies. And it only seemed like it was yesterday when you left. My hopes that all is well and you are healed and in heaven. Oh but sure you are. You know if you are not to busy, send me a sign.

I’ll be watching…. Signed, Your Loving Daughter~