Last week I was to do a reading for a lady whose one that had passed away come through for her. The hour long session surely showed me that there is a healing aspect to all this. Tearful but happy to have answers she hugged me deeply before she left. I have always been wanting, searching and now have found my purpose. If there is anything I can do to be of help then surely this is it.
In 1986 I bought a home, the monies from my father’s estate after his passing. It has been 30 years of bringing up my family in this big house and I knew it was time to move on. The second week of January this year I was in Elk Island National Park taking time out for my photography and I said out loud, “I think it’s time to sell my home, please send me my signs.” I spotted some bison off in the far distance and looked through my camera’s viewfinder and laughed out loud when I seen that there were three, my signs. As I drove through the park I was to see three crows fly by. Again I took the time to thank Spirit for yet another sign. As I was driving home I was to spy three working men on the side of the road. I knew this was an all clear. Got home and phoned my realtor.
Yesterday was day 33 of what I was calling the big adventure and I awoke and had a heart to heart with Creator, asking for all my blessings, asking for patience and asking if the ladies that came last night to look at the house were the real deal. “Please send me a sign, I await patiently.” The whole day came and went with nary a sighting of something wonderful. Oh well!
I got home late last night after watching a movie and who should be parked in my space in front of my home but my realtor and this with good news. My home was SOLD! And for exactly what I wanted.
Sitting at the dining room table I said to her, “OMGosh, I have to tell you something!!” I had suddenly realized that it was this day that my father had passed. Feb 23, 1986. This was my sign! What a gift~”
It’s night time, not to late in the day but I find myself in a unfamiliar part of town. I have just got off the bus and ready to make the three block walk to my little sister’s new home. Ready to step off the curb I am startled by a man’s voice behind me as he walks down the middle of the residential street. I find this odd. Where did he come from, so fast? I take stock of him, quickly assessing his appearance, his demeanor, what does he want? In a gruff voice he asks where a certain street is as he is lost. I am almost ready to look away as I say I do not know when he quickly reaches out and grabs my arm. He is a tall blond heavy set man. It was in this moment as I glanced away that I heard, “Get away!” and this in my head. His grip is strong but I wrestle away knowing that if I do not then all is lost.
I am loose. I do not know how this happens as he tries to reach out again but to throw a fist. I yell, “NO!” I run! I run so fast and do not hear him follow. I turn and he is gone. My heart beats so fast and I want to vomit but I run to the safety of my sisters place. I do not say anything to her. My very being asks if that really happened? My arm hurts. It happened.
In my city there had been a run of women being raped. Some beaten so badly, some to disappear never to be seen again. There life style was also being questioned. Even though this happened over 30 years ago I remember that very moment as if it happened a few minutes ago. I was so in that moment. I also had a feeling that this man was the reason women were scared to walk out there doors, in there own neighborhood. At that time I didn’t have a clue but know that there was an angel looking out for me who spoke to me in that moment. I have so much gratitude, so much!
My early childhood was lived in fearful states of anxiety. When is dad or mom coming home? Why are they leaving? The child sits and waits. Tell me now and I understand that dad is in the army many miles away. Mom has taken a job in the city, housecleaning. It is better for me to be with my loving grandparents. That security is soon taken out from under me. My grandmother Julia dies two days after my third birthday of heart problems. My grandfather overtaken by immense grief and no where near to taking care of a small child, let alone a girl. It was at this time that I was sexually abused by someone near to the family. I was five or perhaps 4. This state of mind terrifies me and more so to be threatened with more abuse if I tell. There is no control in my mind to understand this too. To be in the now and to work it out and move on. How does one move on after being subjected to this…at 5.
At 5 we get to play, to run free, to dream, to wish. This was taken from me. Fear replaced all this. At times my stasis would be of comfort when I was in the responsible hands of my dear aunties. They always had my back, in my mind. As I grew and was old enough for grade school it was decided that I would come to the city to live with my mom. Things changed for me. Now I was in the hands of babysitters as my mother went about her day to make a living. The caretakers were young, some old, girls, boys, women, it was always different people. They came in forms of kindness, playfulness, indifferent attitude. One in particular was a 12 year old girl who took a knife to me and backed me up in a corner. The threat had come back. Another was the night my mother stepped out to have a drink with the girls and left me in the hands of a boy. A boy who decide that I should go to bed. A boy who decided to sexually play with me.
Those times do not affect my now. But they did build up my resiliency. My will to live above all this pain. As I have stated before in this story of mine that as children we have the people in charge of our little souls to make sure we are safe and secure. When left to our devices, where do we turn? How does one deal with it? Where do we run when no one believes in us? When we are called liar again and again. We turn inward and then that manifests into something greater then we can deal with. My teenage years I rebelled and ran away. This is number one of the manifestations. She runs. I drank and pushed those memories down. When I got older and was in a relationship that did not suit me, I broke it off as I felt in control. But essentially, was not.
May I say that this has a happy ending. True my life is no where near that end but even I do not know this. My time could come tomorrow, mayhaps this afternoon but I hope not. My life purpose is now true to me and I look forward with zeal and adventure in my heart. There is so much out there for me after all this little girl healing into a grown woman. A woman who knows that she is finally secure, loved, who stands on her own two feet, resilient (love that word) courageous,strong willed and has faith. Life has made me who I am and so proud of it!
This is what I know of you. That you were fearful on that first try attempting your first parachute drop. My stories are from my Aunt who remembers you in bits and pieces. All the more for me to savor each tale of you, your life. You were my dad, my everything, your essence was so overpowering. I am sure I could have rode in your pocket all day long just to be with you every moment. What happened in the years growing up as I became a young woman? Hundreds of miles separated us and my mother needed me at home for her new family.
So now I live on the memories from a close family member. Auntie answers my question, if you were intuitive. She says that all the men in the family were. They were also strong and fearless which brings me to the beginning of this story. During a conversation not too long after he did his first jump he told her that he had to be pushed out of the airplane. Yes, he had been afraid. But he overcame it. So many that in time he became an instructor in the army. I now look back on life with you and consider myself to be lucky to have known you. To be your child. To be proud of you as I know that you are proud of me. Those dreams that I get from time to time of you where you stay all night are so precious. My visits from heaven as I say.
I suppose if anything that I have been able to stand on my own to have resiliency stamped in my passport of life. Add to that the badges of courage, strength and don’t forget joy. I hear that you had a wicked sense of humour and it has been passed onto me. Almost forgot focus because man do I have my eyes on the ball, that being the intuition. It has been a long time of reading books and now getting to know this precious gift. You have heard this before my friends, but as Auntie says, “You have always had it in you. It has always been there.”
So Dad, I raise my cup of tea to you, for teaching me the game of life. It has been 30 years since you have passed and maybe it was meant to be. It is what it is. Back then I would say how lonely I was without you but now know that it was meant for me to attain all this on my own. And now knowing those signs are from you or from my grandmothers gives this gal peace of mind. That truly I always had you by my side. Always know this dear reader, that we are never alone. They are always there.
My days start early with yoga and then meditation and then off to do what ever needs to get done in my life. Taking care of myself first thing in the morning was never on my list of things to do before. Self love is everything. Not buying clothes, a car, jewelry, this is not self love. I know this now. I know this to be true for me. Sitting in silence and enjoying this peace that premeates my very being has been very good for my soul. When I started my self development who knew that I would be here a few years later in wonderment. Driving down the road the other day I realized that the monkey chatter was gone and in that, not a darn thing was happening in my noodle. Not a thought, nothing..nada!
And since I incorporated the yoga in my morning rituals I find my sleep has been very sound. There has been emotional healing in all this and learning more about my past and how to rectify my beliefs. My past experiences have made who I am but they also serve me well for now and most probably the future. I no longer look at the past as if it just happened, because it didn’t. But trauma has a way of burying itself deep in oneself and to appear at inopportune moments is not my cup of tea any longer. Self Realization 101 is on my schedule and I have those aha moments and revel in them. To totally understand and then move on. This is life, my life and I am starting to get it. Add to all this and the intuition comes in more stronger, the synchronicities more often as I recognize them. The messages in my dreams more meaningful. The silence works hand in hand with intuition as the messages come in softly and if not paying attention one can miss it. I now look forward to my days and when I lay my head down to sleep look forward to the morning and what it will bring.
The night before the night before Christmas actually I toddled off to my cozy warm bed. All the preparations for the upcoming big event had been made and now to sit back and wait for all to unfold. I had been having a dry spell on my blog, yes this one right here and so I sent a prayer out to Creator asking for some insight, some creative spark to send out to my followers.
That very night I had a mass of colorful scapes happen, this and that, so many events that were happening. The word Believe kept popping up. In the sky, on cars anywhere that it had caught my attention. A lucid dream that I replied inside, “Yes, I see you, I see you!”
I woke, giggling and thanking Universe for this and then quickly realized that this word was not for my blog but for me and now did work its way here anyway. To share my experience.
Yes, I do believe! Yes I do see the auras that suddenly pop out of nowhere and leave me speechless and unwavering. The little glimmers of light that accompany these beautiful colors on people, on snow even.
Yes, I do believe in this new journey of my most magnificent life. Looking forward to what comes around the corner for sure, this student of the world. Now back to the books. More studying to do, more bueno stuff to learn.
Dear Friends,
Please excuse Gail from her blog as she is taking spiritual schooling. Reiki, mediumship, tarot and also the school of life. Doing rather well but head is sometimes up in the clouds. Will be back soon!
Signed, The Universe
Psychic development classes and now mediumship starting next week and I look forward to what may come. I have been slowly progressing in this time past with my intuition growing ever so strong with dreams tinged with messages meant to grab my attention. Such was the one Christmas week with rainbows dotting the brilliant blue sky, cartoon like but oh so many. Looking it up as soon as I awoke was the definition stating that promises were being kept or in another that wishes coming true. Days later and on Christmas morning believe plastered all over my dream. Yes, yes I see you I kept saying in my dream. I pay close attention these days and I feel higher self knows this. (Well of course he would.)
That very morning standing outside on a day where the snow fell down, big fluffy flakes and out of the side of my eye an aura like light green. I then stared right at where I had seen the light green snow and of course it had disappeared, or did it? Again I unfocused my eyes and it appeared. Delighted I marveled at this beautiful gift. I then remembered the message from my dream..believe. Oh I truly do I stated out loud but not so loud to alarm passersby.
It is my opinion that I am being tweaked and that all that I notice or am made more aware of is to be savored and then to move onto to another delight of Creators realm. 2016 proves to be a memorable year as I am so sure of this. The days cannot fill all that I want to make happen in my life and I love the purposeful days with not enough hours. I now get it when I have been told by my elder Aunt that I always had the gift. I now know the mechanisms of this unique and wonderful world, the subtle sightings of glimmers when I stare unknowingly of someone’s aura. Yes, I do believe!
I was bitten by the travel bug as a young child getting dressed up to sit on a Greyhound and endure a 3 or 4 hour ride to the big city. If it was a milk run then it was all night. I can still smell the diesel of the old bus and the late night stops in some sleepy town with a quick run, my mother and I to the washroom and the store to get some promised pop and chips. The crying child, not me for I was a good little girl, and hearing a slap and a threat to be good. Yes that memory still stands in my mind. I looked at the mother of this now quiet child as they got off the bus and thought how scary she was to me.
It was to be with these trips to the city that we would be meeting up with my father who was coming back from some place on this earth serving the army. If we were lucky we would get into his vehicle and travel to the mountains and stop on the way perhaps a campground and dad would pull out the old Coleman cook stove and start grilling hot dogs. Yum, I still smell that too! And if we were not travelling for pleasure then it was travelling to move to another home or to travel for his work. Having been the lucky one to remember all the sights and scenery with all the places in Canada that I have seen.
In my early twenties I was to hitch hike across our beautiful provinces with a friend and it is something that I would not highly recommend now. I was quite lucky to be intuitive and to know what was good and what was not. To know where to go to get a ride with the truckers and how to speak respectfully so I could get that back. Creator must have been looking down on me for it was on this trip four provinces away that we were stuck in between Sault Ste. Marie and Sudbury at 4 am no less. The friend and I were arguing as to what I cannot remember and she started to walk up the road a little miffed with my carefree attitude and no sooner when she was just shouting distance than a limousine pulled up. The window in the back went down and lo and behold it was a priest. “Would you like a ride my child” he inquired. We pulled up to my friend and now she was fuming but of course got in with out a word. I woke to the smell of the sulpher in Sudbury on a hot morning with my head resting on the priest and had dribbled on his coat in my sleep. He had told me that this was as far as we could go and so we walked into the city.
My life was to take on bigger dimensions by me meeting my future but now ex-husband who would then travel by motorcycle to cities a few days away. Those days were so carefree as I seen so much from the back of that bike and smelled the clean air and took so many photos. More often than not we were to travel with other riders so it made for a idyllic time. This married time with him was getting on planes to see my all time favorite city, New York and to follow the eastern coast. On the spur of the moment we loaded the trailer and tripped down the west coast all the way to Los Angeles. So many people I have met, so many conversations, so many experiences, so many places that I have dined.
My life now reflects what I do with having my quiet time, to meditate through my photography , to travel down dirt roads to find that perfect picture. I may get lost but find my way always when I just park and sit for a few and then proceed. I always find great gems too so its never a bad diversion but a lucky happenstance.
Having met a man who is now a big part of the picture has taken us to many places in my beautiful province of Alberta and also B.C. but also abroad and to the south eastern coast. Simply put he is my other half who shares the same wunderlust as me. Being a middle aged woman I often wonder where my life will lead but I do know it will always involve travel and adventure because you have to have a great story to go along with it. Next time when I wake in the morning I will take a bottle out and spin it and see what direction it will take me. Me thinks that is good advice to moi.
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